The Hottie, the Hipster and the Hippie.

​They say everything in life comes in packs of three. From third time’s a charm to the three musketeers. I like to propose that every man has three women in his life that teach him lessons that will forever be remembered. Lessons that make men realize what they could be doing to better themselves. In my journey to understanding dating and love life, I crossed paths with three women who taught me lessons and shaped me into the person I am today. For some reason women bring out the best and worst in me. Today I will talk about the three women who inspired me and enhanced my hidden talents. Three strong and admirable women I should point out. I really thought about whether to post this or not because let’s be real, no guy likes talking about the girls that they talked to. I was like “na” maybe I should just keep it to myself but then I was like fuck it why not. Just do it. So shall we begin or shall we begin?

The Hottie, also known as my first dance partner. We used to have the same dance class but at different times. I remember I would go to both my class and hers because it was hella fun dancing tropical music. I wasn’t the type of person who danced until I took that class. We started going to events and because of her I started gradually getting better, it was all about practicing and tension. I was spending so much time with her that catching feelings was bound to happen. The lesson she taught me was that it’s never a good thing to ruin an awesome friendship over feelings especially when you been friends for a while. I was a douche to her by ignoring her and making it seem like I didn’t know her. I made her feel like shit all because I wanted something more. Even then she forgave me because well she didn’t want to lose my friendship. She also made me realize that I am LOVERBOY. She made me realize that about myself because I was always hella corny to her and I was good at it. I’m still corny but now I realize it needs to be for  the right person. So best believe if you’re into me and I’m into you I will be corny as tits. I mistook her friendly vibe for a she wants me vibe.

 The Hipster, oh boy was she a trip. Also known as the aspiring film nerd. You could say she was my first real heartbreak that taught me a lesson indeed. I still remember when we were in the recording studio and we talked about why she chose film as her major. She could go on for days talking about filmmaking and she wouldn’t get tired. As we talked she told me something that I will always remember, she told me “I want to be the best, no.. I WILL be the best filmmaker.” She was completely sure of herself without any hesitation and that might have been a reason I fell for her, I fell for her dedication.The lesson she taught me was that with dedication and passion you can make your dreams possible. Just seeing that spark in her eyes inspired me to get back into photography. I took a couple of classes before and wanted to get better. The downside was that I was limited because I never owned a legit camera. Yet I still tried to do my best work with what I had. Now I have my own legit camera and basically take it everywhere with me. She might be a proud LEO who loves attention but she inspired me. I turned something I enjoyed doing into one of my passions, after all us SCORPIO’s are passionate to the core.

The Hippie, she’s probably the most realest person I’ve met. She was honest and that kinda rubbed off on me. The lesson she taught me was self-love and that being alone isn’t that bad. Society makes us believe that being alone means we’re lonely but that is such BS. By being alone you learn a lot about yourself and what your want in life. No woman should need a guy to be happy and no guy should need a woman to be happy. Perhaps we need to stop constantly searching for love and let it come to us. Before you can love someone and give them a part of you, you have to love yourself first. I remember one night that I had so much to say about my feelings but I didn’t know how tell her so I wrote her a letter. After reading it she told me that I should consider writing and so I took her advice. It was always easier to get my points across through writing but she gave me that extra push. As you can see I started my own dating and love life blog thanks to her . Might be limited to writing all these blogs on my phone and my thumbs hurting but I make the most of it. Sad to say I don’t own a laptop yet. Might be bit rusty on my grammar but practice will make me better. She taught me to embrace my inner creativity and to treat life artistically, after all us ARTIST’s brains are perhaps our hearts. 

In conclusion to my thesis statement a guy has three women in his life that he has either got to know or dated that changed his way of thinking. You might have gone through four or five girls but the idea here is that you learned and not committed the same actions/mistakes twice. No matter in what terms we ended in I would like to thank these three women for helping me become the person I am today. I know who I am and what I want.

Getting The Woman of Your Dreams

​Knowing what you want is the first step but executing your intentions is actually the crucial step. It’s about giving out the correct vibe. 

For the longest time I believed in the “friendzone” and everyone mocked me for being the guy who always got “frienzoned.” Many times guys give off that friend vibe and that is why girls that they like only see them as friends. If you want someone just go for it and don’t overthink it. If you want to write to her, do it. If you want to sing to her, do it. If you want to draw her something do it. Doesn’t matter how small the gesture just fucking do it. The little things count the most.

For the longest time I also believed that I was missing something and that girls never saw me as anything more than a friend. I realized that there were many girls that indeed saw me as something else but I was never really good at reading signs, I was oblivious to them. I hate how sometimes hints are clear as water yet we don’t catch them early on. Catching the signs has been the downfall of many guys. Whether they were friend signs or I want you signs, they mix them up. 

I probably lost the woman I wanted because I could not read the obvious signs. Or I was reading them all wrong. If something is meant to be between a man and a woman there’s no anxiety, there’s no overthinking, it just happens. Like it’s not even funny at the number of opportunities I had, yet for one reason or another the anxiety spiked up and I messed up. Like bro get the fucking hint. Don’t make the mistake that I been doing for years. 

I’m not a love guru or a dating doctor, I still struggle with showing women how I feel about them. The key to getting the woman of your dreams is confidence, that’s all it really comes down to. Yeah she needs to be attracted to you and yeah you guys have to have a connection but if you don’t have confidence to make a move, she’ll only see you as a friend. 

If you been hanging out with the woman you like for some time and you haven’t pulled a move, eventually she is going to get tired and move on. It’s best to make a move and fail than to never had made a move at all. As for us who took too long, it happens. Perhaps it happened for a reason. Maybe there’s a girl out there who looks at you with the same eyes that you looked at her. Look around.

Guys, you can get the woman you want . You can tell a woman many times that you like her but if you don’t show it she won’t believe you. She will probably think you are not into her. What I want from you the reader to remember from this post is know what you wantknow who you wantknow how to show want you want. All it takes is confidence.

 P.S. Catch the signs genius.

The First Date

​Out of all the guy friends she was talking to, she decided to give you a chance. Fuck yeah you are doing something right then. Sometimes patience is for the strong, only the weak break easy. You stuck around to see her through the bad times not just emotionally but physically too and by that I mean no makeup, cranky, probably want to kill you half the time, or tries to burn your house down. Yet for some crazy reason you’re still interested.  

You ask her out on a real date and she agrees to let you take her out on an outing to the countryside as I like to say. The first real date is either rewarding or weird as shit. So own it like you have always daydreamed about. Don’t act as someone you’re not. Make the first date interesting because it’s all about having a fun time with another person and making them feel comfortable. 

Here are some tips for your first date. After all you got to make a good impression if you want a potential second date. First of all the basics  that every guy has to know when taking a woman out. Go get her at her doorstep, open the car door for her, pull out her chair so she can sit, you know the drill. If you’re feeling really good about the date buying her flowers will make you stand out, but don’t over do it. 

Three words: Conversation, conversation and conversation. A tip I would recommend is to have topics of conversation already in mind. Nothing is worse than a date with little to no conversation. Don’t be a chatterbox either, she is probably not going to listen to half of what you say. I get it she’s nervous and you are probably shitting bricks but keep your cool. Make her laugh, tease her or even crack some jokes anything to release that tension. Sarcasm works too but careful there.

Doesn’t everybody wish they could take their own advice. Like I probably just gave the best advice ever yet I fail to take it myself. I been in situations where I had nothing to say but any random thought evolved into a full on conversation. Keeping up a conversation is harder than it looks like so if it’s quiet at the beginning don’t fret keep trying. Avoid small talk and short answer questions. 

As for choosing what to do for a date simple is always better. Plan out a date, it shows that you took your time to put something together for her. Dates that involve food such as going to dinner are your best bet. What I like about food dates is you being able to be yourself. We can be our bare selves when we eat unless you’re the shy type. Sometimes the best talks are over a good meal. Always pay the bill, don’t be cheap. None of that lets split the bill.

Going on a movie date is great and all but you can’t really start a conversation and that is crucial in the first date. The movies are probably best on the second or third dates if you even get that far. Even when you have your date planned out always have a secondary activity. For example let’s say dinner is over and you still want to spend some more time with her and she wants to stick around. Having something ready to do in mind is important. Bowling is a good choice hint hint. A walk around downtown doesn’t seen too shabby either.

Last but not least. Compliments go a long way and can make a woman’s day. So man up and tell her how gorgeous she looks because I know you been dying to tell her that for some time. Make her feel like she’s the main actress in your script. Own the first date. You got this.

Social Media and Texting

Communication is essential when you are getting to know a woman. The two most common ways of communication used in this era is through social media and texting. 

Social media. I honestly have a love-hate relationship with it. It’s fun but people take it too serious. Social media allows people to show the world a little about themselves, a little too much I should say, from posts and checking-ins to photos and videos. Social media allows you to connect with other people but I feel like we use it to look at funny memes and to see what other people are doing, in other words stalking.

If you find yourself constantly hitting up a woman you like or always waiting to see what new photo or post they have published you are giving off a needy vibe. Guys learn to chill out. I’m not saying not to hit her up because being consistent shows that you are truly interested. Just learn to give women space. Lots of it. Learn to value your own space as well.

When getting to know a woman it is best to not add her on all social media channels especially at the start. Don’t try to know everything about a woman through social media. Get to know her face to face, that’s where the real magic happens. 

Say you are really into a woman and you see her talking to other guys on social media. Let’s be real, no guy likes seeing that especially if you’re both not on the same page when it comes to exclusivity. If you don’t let social media get to you or bother you then awesome but I’m talking on behalf of all guys who tend to overthink because of it. Don’t take social media too serious.

Like everything, social media has its ups and downs but asking for a woman’s number is probably the best option. Always text first because no girl will ever text first. She might not text you back right away and that’s fine she will eventually read it. She might be busy or might simply have a better conversation with someone else that’s the plain truth. Send the message and just carry on with your day, don’t think about it too much. 

Text as if you were talking, do it naturally. As hard as it might sound just text what comes to mind don’t overthink it. If you find yourself erasing and rewriting the message you are overthinking. Keep the conversation entertaining, talk about random things I’m sure you will find a topic that will interest both of you. 

Never give up too easy on a woman. Say you start a conversation but she seems uninterested in talking, she might have had a busy or bad day. Whatever the reason try to make her laugh that’s usually the best way to get a woman intrigued. Be consistent and don’t give up keep trying. If she still seems uninterested in the conversation then that’s a clear indicator that should probably stop hitting her up.

This one I’m a huge culprit of. Leaving conversations hanging either because I don’t have nothing to say or I don’t know what to say. Ladies don’t take it personal but sometimes conversations just die out. Let’s say a conversation just drags on and you texted last and she hasn’t responded for days, start a new conversation. 

Don’t be scared to send that double text, sometimes you lose girls by not trying enough. It shows that you really want to talk to her. But don’t try to always find something to text about. Women might push you away if they see that you are getting attached too quick. Like social media, give them space when texting. Don’t bombard them with messages, it’s annoying. Keyword SPACE.

Love Machine Gun

​Awesome you’re talking to a girl who you think is cute but should you only talk to her? In this type of situation there are usually two sides:

One: I shouldn’t be exclusive to anyone, I should talk to whoever I find attractive because every girl has a potential.

Two: I should only talk to her because that shows her that I am interested in her and no one else. 

Which side is right? The world may never know but I can tell you the following: In an ideal world you would want to be exclusive with a girl you were interested in and get that same exclusivity back “but that’s in a scenario where it’s too close to perfect, it seems exclusivity is not what this generation is about.” Neither choice is right or wrong it depends on the experiences that people have gone through. To each their own.

In my personal experience, I was the type of guy who would be exclusive to one girl because well I am and always will be loverboy. Unfortunately, I had a bad experience with being exclusive and learned the hard way. This was awhile ago but still very fresh in my mind. Basically I was exclusive to a girl and I wasn’t getting that back in return. She was talking to other guys and I hated it but it was my fault for giving the wrong person exclusivity. Don’t get me wrong being exclusive to someone is awesome as long as both a man and a woman share that same ideal and stick to it.   

In the meantime while you haven’t agreed to exclusivity be a Love Machine Gun and shoot rounds of flirting and fun because who doesn’t like that. Be the guy every girl feels comfortable with. Always keep the door open when getting to know someone as I like to say. You never know where it can lead to. Keep your options open and don’t go expecting something too soon. Everyone hates being an option. Perhaps it’s a good thing to have options because you want the person who truly deserves you and understands you in a deeper level. 

Biggest advice I could give is don’t lead someone on. BOTH men and women are culprits of this. Don’t lead someone on especially if you don’t know what you want. Even if you might be seen as an asshole or just someone who is a straight up fiend with lots of confidence. Be real on what you want from the get go, whether it is something serious or just to mess around.

Until BOTH a man and a woman decide to make things work with each other have fun and go out with different people. After all we’re young, wild and free until further notice. Don’t rush into anything too fast, until BOTH of you are on the same page. You could but you’re setting yourself up for failure and someone getting hurt in the long run. Sometimes the best relationships happen over time and not overnight.

It’s completely fine to talk to other girls and have options but once you decide on which girl rocks your boat the most make sure she knows she’s the one you want. Make sure that if and when you decide to commit to someone, fucking do it. If you were talking to other girls let them know that you are off-limits. Honesty is priority, well at least in my script. 

Illusions

My mother once told me in Spanish “Necesitas una ilusión mijo, algo que te motive” which meant “You need an illusion son, something that will motivate you.” It was her way to lift up my spirit when I was feeling down and anxious. I asked why she had said that because illusions can deceive us. Tricking us into feeling a certain way and seeing things a certain way, I just didn’t understand her at the moment. All I knew was that illusions were negative and unreal.

Later it hit me because without knowing I indeed had an illusion; an illusion over a woman. Now this is a different type of illusion and I thought to myself  about how an illusion like this can either be positive or negative. It can go one of two ways: It can be a man’s downfall or a reason to better himself. An illusion over a woman can cause you to overthink situations that are clear as water but you keep creating ripples every time you create different outcomes in your head. This was true about me. I would overthink too much even over the smallest of things such as responding to a text message from a woman that I was particularly interested in.

We all have had positive and negative illusions especially in love life. I’ve had a taste of both, heck they are probably reading this so why not talk about it briefly. My first illusion over a woman was also my first real heartbreak. I was broken. I would always try to find the reason why everything went wrong but it was just me overthinking the situation. Jealousy and not being myself were my worst enemies and in the end I lost a friend. My second illusion reignited me and gave me perspective. She made me realize that I was genuinely a real person. Someone who knew what he wanted and unafraid to say it, unfortunately we were on different paths. She didn’t see me the way I saw her but in the end I gained a friend and boost of confidence. No matter how we ended up I will always remember the lessons that I learned through my two illusions.

An illusion over a woman can push you constantly and keep that spark in your eyes or tear you down and that spark is blown away by the wind. An illusion over a woman can open up your heart and mind but sometimes the balance of these two gets out of hand; there’s no equilibrium.Your heart feels too much that you don’t think. You think too much that you don’t listen to your heart and do what feels right. An illusion over a woman can either help you make decisions that you will be proud of or plain stupid decisions.

Perhaps every man needs a positive illusion in his life that will push him to get up and conquer the world. Illusions aren’t all bad. An illusion over a woman can be a man’s downfall or a reason to better himself, him and only him can make that choice.

The DEBUT

Growing up I dreaded writing with a passion. I wasn’t sure why. My high school teachers insisted that I was a decent and creative writer with a unique perspective and style. Me a writer? No way? What a joke, right? What a joke indeed.

I shrugged off the potential they saw in me. Writing was something I did because I had to, not because I enjoyed it. I recall once telling my A.V.I.D. (Advancement Via Individual Determination) teacher that I wasn’t going to apply to scholarships involving writing simply because I didn’t want to write about myself and the aspirations I had. She told me “You need to calm that attitude and start writing because it’s only going to get better.” (Now this is the part where you take note of this inspirational quote for your future Instagram post.) I didn’t understand her then. At that time I was just being a regular teenager focused on being one of the cool kids in high school.

I didn’t picture myself as a writer, yet I never really understood why it was easier to express myself in words on paper rather than by talking. To this day I ask myself this. I disliked writing but even then I can tell you that the only writing I did enjoy was writing love letters, you may ask really Adrian love letters? You’re telling me that you wrote an inspirational introduction and it’s all over love. Well I was and forever will be a romantic just ask my friends. I always had a way with words on paper, in fact that was the way I won the heart of my first girlfriend but then again those were simple times. A winding turmoil is how I would describe dating and love life in 2016.

I’m not going to babble on about how dating sucks in this era because of the rules it comes with. Fuck those rules on the real but unfortunately we have to know and understand them. In my opinion we need more of that old school love life, I like that shit. Low-key everyone likes that shit, yet everyone is too scared to express themselves when it comes to love life. As a guy writing about love this is a red flag for girls. They just simply don’t like guys who show too much emotion but hey someone has to show these noobs how to be a gentleman because there’s one too many fuckboys already.

This is why I decided to make my DEBUT in writing with this ongoing blog, hence the title. Started this blog a year ago but I was going through a funk so I only posted once. Disregard the first post, I just left it there to remind myself that I got a script that I need to finish. Titled “A LOST CASE”, currently at 56 pages to be exact but that’s a topic for another time. If you don’t see me post every week, it’s either because I got lazy or ran out of ideas but mostly laziness.

In this blog I will talk about my journey to understanding the dating scene and love life in the modern era especially for us nice guys. I’m not saying that I know everything about dating and love life or that I have dated for a long time because I would be lying to myself. Heck I can’t even remember the last time I dated, possibly six years. I used to be embarrassed by it not anymore. I’m just simply exploring this topic further and giving advice that I should have taken from my friends a long time ago. So if you like to see what I got be my guest and stay tuned for what’s to come. “Cambio y Fuera” in other words “Over and Out.”

A Post Production Decision

Falling for you was like a film production….

Development: When I first saw you it never crossed my mind that you would have been everything that I have ever wanted.

Preproduction: I gave you my attention and time. I got interested in your aspirations, your likes/dislikes, your hobbies, and your fears.

Production: My intentions are clear, I want you. Yet I never really knew what your true feelings were.

Post Production: Everything is laid out and scattered but it’s up to you to edit the ending to this story.