To Give And To Expect?

​Give without expectations. Give because you truly want to and not because it will get her to like you more. So you’re the type of guy that likes giving everything he’s got when getting to know a girl. By giving I mean being nice to her, giving her gifts, buying her food (I would suggest tacos, because tacos are life) or teaching her something new. Do it because you want to and not because you expect something in return. 

This post is dedicated to a girl I used to like the first two years of college. I would always do things for her like correct her essays, buy her food when she was stressed, and walked her to class. I did those acts in hopes of getting her to see me with different eyes. I did the mistake of ignoring her for a good year because I was madly crazy for her, yet she saw me as a friend. I was lucky enough that even after I made her feel like shit and acted like a total asshole, she still decided to be my friend. She still reminds me how I was so immature for acting like I didn’t know her especially when I would see her on campus. I curse myself because dafuq was I thinking. 

We recently had a conversation about relationships and did a little catching up, since she was being a stranger -_-. I don’t know how it came up but we started talking about nice guys. She told me she had a guy friend who would do things for her to get her attention. She really appreciated his generosity and acts of giving. Like if you bought her French Fries she would not think twice about it, she would have destroyed those poor potatoes. Later she found out that the guy friend had the hots for her but she only saw him as a friend. Homie got discouraged and said to her “You used me for my niceness.” This is taking into consideration that she never asked for any of it, it was all his idea. As a giver just because you do all these acts of giving doesn’t mean they have to like you back. 

Guys don’t make this mistake you are only giving yourself false hope and a bad illusion. Be nice but don’t expect for them to reciprocate those same acts back. If they do then hey that’s awesome they are giving things to you. Don’t go thinking they like you either. The worst mistake you can do is to be nice and give her things only to get her and then become a stranger out of the blue. Don’t be like I was, don’t be an asshole.

I am a giver myself, I can’t deny that. I like giving out to people it makes me feel good about myself. Even then I have to know that I’m not always going to get anything in return. When I’m interested in someone new I give it my all but I am learning to control that. It’s good to give but to a certain extent. You don’t wanna bombard her with these acts that it makes you seem needy or pushy. Guys learn to keep your cool and don’t always try to go out of your way to find an opportunity to give a woman something. If a chance presents itself go for it but give without expectations.

Underlying Issues

​To really know a woman is to know them from within and not just what you see on the outside. You may think that you know everything about her but truth is you never really know them completely. There is always a part of each woman that is not known by many; it is locked away in a safe and only opens up to worthy individuals. 

So you meet a woman and you’re getting to know each other. You hang out a couple of times, you talk to each other constantly, and she laughs at your jokes. You have a good connection overall. You might think man this is going pretty good. I might actually have a shot with her, not the drinking kind but would have been nice too.

You get to the point where you need to do something about what you are feeling before it becomes an issue. So you tell her confidently how you feel and you get hit with the.. I see you as a friend or the I’m not ready for anything serious. It’s basically every guy’s worst nightmare. As a guy you might immediately think ohh she’s playing hard to get and wants me to put in work that is not always the case. 

Sometimes it’s so easy to judge a book by their cover without knowing their underlying issues. In other words you don’t know what they are dealing with. They might be happy on the outside but who knows what’s going on inside. You know how they say women don’t need to be understood, only loved. Well I think that’s looking at things one-sided. There is always two sides of a story. Perhaps they need to be understood to some extent to know where they are coming from. They might have their reasons for not wanting anything serious.

Perhaps a relationship is out of the question because they need to fix those underlying issues. They could also be playing it safe or they truly see you as a friend. It is also girl code for not interested. Get the memo. Or simply put there is just no attraction, face it attraction plays a major factor in getting to know someone. Sometimes you have to read between the lines and don’t get it twisted. The worst thing you can do is ruin a good friendship over feelings. Don’t worry if you did, I’ve done it in the past, it just serves as a lesson that you just can’t make someone see you the way you see them.

You can handle this one of two ways. You can either accept the situation, be their friend and stick around. Just because they don’t see you with the same eyes doesn’t mean you should go and change, girls have a sixth sense and they know when that happens. So don’t go changing and don’t drop off the face of the earth either.

Or you can do something about the situation. If you truly can’t be friends be upfront and tell them that being friends might not be a such a good idea. They might or might not understand. Sometimes you have to be honest and true to yourself. 

Illusions

My mother once told me in Spanish “Necesitas una ilusión mijo, algo que te motive” which meant “You need an illusion son, something that will motivate you.” It was her way to lift up my spirit when I was feeling down and anxious. I asked why she had said that because illusions can deceive us. Tricking us into feeling a certain way and seeing things a certain way, I just didn’t understand her at the moment. All I knew was that illusions were negative and unreal.

Later it hit me because without knowing I indeed had an illusion; an illusion over a woman. Now this is a different type of illusion and I thought to myself  about how an illusion like this can either be positive or negative. It can go one of two ways: It can be a man’s downfall or a reason to better himself. An illusion over a woman can cause you to overthink situations that are clear as water but you keep creating ripples every time you create different outcomes in your head. This was true about me. I would overthink too much even over the smallest of things such as responding to a text message from a woman that I was particularly interested in.

We all have had positive and negative illusions especially in love life. I’ve had a taste of both, heck they are probably reading this so why not talk about it briefly. My first illusion over a woman was also my first real heartbreak. I was broken. I would always try to find the reason why everything went wrong but it was just me overthinking the situation. Jealousy and not being myself were my worst enemies and in the end I lost a friend. My second illusion reignited me and gave me perspective. She made me realize that I was genuinely a real person. Someone who knew what he wanted and unafraid to say it, unfortunately we were on different paths. She didn’t see me the way I saw her but in the end I gained a friend and boost of confidence. No matter how we ended up I will always remember the lessons that I learned through my two illusions.

An illusion over a woman can push you constantly and keep that spark in your eyes or tear you down and that spark is blown away by the wind. An illusion over a woman can open up your heart and mind but sometimes the balance of these two gets out of hand; there’s no equilibrium.Your heart feels too much that you don’t think. You think too much that you don’t listen to your heart and do what feels right. An illusion over a woman can either help you make decisions that you will be proud of or plain stupid decisions.

Perhaps every man needs a positive illusion in his life that will push him to get up and conquer the world. Illusions aren’t all bad. An illusion over a woman can be a man’s downfall or a reason to better himself, him and only him can make that choice.

The DEBUT

Growing up I dreaded writing with a passion. I wasn’t sure why. My high school teachers insisted that I was a decent and creative writer with a unique perspective and style. Me a writer? No way? What a joke, right? What a joke indeed.

I shrugged off the potential they saw in me. Writing was something I did because I had to, not because I enjoyed it. I recall once telling my A.V.I.D. (Advancement Via Individual Determination) teacher that I wasn’t going to apply to scholarships involving writing simply because I didn’t want to write about myself and the aspirations I had. She told me “You need to calm that attitude and start writing because it’s only going to get better.” (Now this is the part where you take note of this inspirational quote for your future Instagram post.) I didn’t understand her then. At that time I was just being a regular teenager focused on being one of the cool kids in high school.

I didn’t picture myself as a writer, yet I never really understood why it was easier to express myself in words on paper rather than by talking. To this day I ask myself this. I disliked writing but even then I can tell you that the only writing I did enjoy was writing love letters, you may ask really Adrian love letters? You’re telling me that you wrote an inspirational introduction and it’s all over love. Well I was and forever will be a romantic just ask my friends. I always had a way with words on paper, in fact that was the way I won the heart of my first girlfriend but then again those were simple times. A winding turmoil is how I would describe dating and love life in 2016.

I’m not going to babble on about how dating sucks in this era because of the rules it comes with. Fuck those rules on the real but unfortunately we have to know and understand them. In my opinion we need more of that old school love life, I like that shit. Low-key everyone likes that shit, yet everyone is too scared to express themselves when it comes to love life. As a guy writing about love this is a red flag for girls. They just simply don’t like guys who show too much emotion but hey someone has to show these noobs how to be a gentleman because there’s one too many fuckboys already.

This is why I decided to make my DEBUT in writing with this ongoing blog, hence the title. Started this blog a year ago but I was going through a funk so I only posted once. Disregard the first post, I just left it there to remind myself that I got a script that I need to finish. Titled “A LOST CASE”, currently at 56 pages to be exact but that’s a topic for another time. If you don’t see me post every week, it’s either because I got lazy or ran out of ideas but mostly laziness.

In this blog I will talk about my journey to understanding the dating scene and love life in the modern era especially for us nice guys. I’m not saying that I know everything about dating and love life or that I have dated for a long time because I would be lying to myself. Heck I can’t even remember the last time I dated, possibly six years. I used to be embarrassed by it not anymore. I’m just simply exploring this topic further and giving advice that I should have taken from my friends a long time ago. So if you like to see what I got be my guest and stay tuned for what’s to come. “Cambio y Fuera” in other words “Over and Out.”